Smack This

So lunch today was incredibly annoying. I always take a late lunch at the place where I'm temping because, well as you can probably tell, I'm not really fond of most people and there are too many of them in the lunch room at the noon hour. The only problem is sometimes this woman who works in the office also sometimes takes a late lunch. I won't use her real name, let's just call her Smacky. I try to not be there when she is but today was unavoidable. This woman, in her 40s at least, can not eat with her mouth closed. And she smacks her mouth like crazy. Loud. There can be two other people talking in the room and still all I can hear is her. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. And I'm not talking one of those people who just does it on some or even a lot of her chews. Were talking about every single up/down with the jaw. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. It is like some kind of Chinese torture method. Has no one ever told her? How can you make it this far in life and not know to close your mouth when you chew? Did she not have any parents, or get lost in the jungle as a baby and raised by apes until her eventual rescue by big game hunters who found her as a teenager one day slinging poop in the wild? Was smacking lips the one ape-like behavior they were not able to cleanse during her rehabilitation to the civilized world? Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack. Oh god, please stop. Its killing me. My thoughts turn to jumping on top of her, grabbing the taco salad fork out of her hands and jabbing it in her throat, screaming "CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE SMACK THIS YOU STUPID BITCH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" And then start slapping her across the face over and over and over. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack.......


So how's your day going?