Neighborhood Pigeon Watch

Living in New York City, which I happen to love, along with all of the really cool things you also see some really fucked up stuff sometimes. Getting almost run over by a cab or seeing some douche-bag drop trash on the ground when he's less than three feet away from a trash can can make you question why you live here. But then you spend a weekend walking around Central Park, going to one of the thousands of great museums, going to see a band at one of the great music clubs and going to all of those things without having to get behind the wheel of an evil car makes up for all of the downside of living in Gotham.

But I saw something last weekend that was really messed up.

My wife's mom and aunt were in town and on Saturday we went to the Baker Street Pub on 1st Ave and 63rd St for brunch. We were sitting at a table in the front by the window and I saw a SUV pull up and double park on the northeast corner.

A guy got out of the drivers side and walked out to the edge of the sidewalk on the 63rd Street side and threw what looked like seeds on to the sidewalk and was whistling at the pigeons up on the ledge of the building, pretty much right above us.

Now this guy just didn't strike me as a bird lover just feeding some pigeons because he likes them. Who the hell pulls up on a random corner just to jump out and feed pigeons?

And it was obvious the pigeons got a bad vibe from this guy too. They flew over to the side of the street where he was throwing the food but they didn't land on the ground. They hung out on other ledges and the phone booth above him. They didn't actually fly down to the sidewalk until he walked back to the SUV.

This is a very different response than the one the pigeons have to the old woman who I see feeding them by the exit ramp from the Queensboro Bridge on 62nd Street. They flock to her before she even gets the food out. They know she loves them.

The pigeons knew something was wrong with this guy. He walked back to his greenhouse gas pollution machine and hung out there. The pigeons finally came down and started pecking at the food on the sidewalk.

Then the guy walked back over toward the birds really quietly carrying a cartoonishly huge net like the Children Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He then made a big swoop straight down on them from the top. I almost jumped out of my chair. What the fuck was that?!

Luckily he missed them all. The pigeons were too smart for the ass hole. He jumped back into his vehicle after only one attempt and sped off. We saw the reason a few seconds later, he had seen a cop car coming.

For the life of me I can't figure out why someone is trying to catch wild pigeons. I don't imagine that caught birds make good homing pigeons, so what the hell is this guy trying to do? I suppose it's possible that there is a culture out there that eats pigeon, and god knows we are represented by every world culture possible here in New York.

But that was just fucked up. I know there are people who don't like pigeons and I've never really understood that. They don't do anything to hurt anybody. I just don't get the hate.

You want to catch and kill a public nuisance why not go after the ass holes who feel the need to drive a car in New York?


I am really glad I didn't get up and go to try to stop the guy as my instinct made me want to do. My wife belongs to a group called the Pigeon People and she got an email notice from them on the very same day warning about a pigeon trapper spotted recently. Their description of the guy seemed to match what we saw and then it went on to say who they thought the guy was, based on what information source I don't know, and had a name for him. And they also said he had a record that included manslaughter and assaulting someone with a box cutter.

So yeah, glad I didn't challenge that guy.

But be careful little pigeons. A bad man in the city is after you.

For any of you that live in New York, if you see this guy in action try to get a license plate number and a photo if you can. Then send it to the Pigeon People.

This ass wipe needs to be taken out. Or have his eyes poked out by a flock of birds.