Zack And Miri Mak....ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm not getting to go out to the movies a lot these days, and by not a lot I mean not at all. So anything I see is going to be on DVD.

I finally got to see the new Kevin Smith movie, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, this week.

After watching it, I couldn't help but wonder if Kevin Smith purposely made a movie even more fucking boring than Jersey Girl to try to make that one look better.

Holy crap was this movie boring and really unfunny. It was also proof that Jason Mewes should never play any character other than Jay. Someone also needs to tell Kevin Smith that his 37-year-old wife does not look like someone attending their 10-year high school reunion.

I just want to tell Kevin Smith that we've already got a guy that makes unfunny, boring "comedies" with simplistic, After School Special-type, gooberistic messages. We don't need another Judd Apetow, the most overrated filmmaker since Tarantino. Hell, we didn't need the first one as far as I'm concerned. Please just be Kevin Smith. The Chasing Amy, Clerks and Dogma version, not the Jersey Girl one.

It wasn't a total loss on the Kevin Smith rental front. I also picked up Sold Out - A Threevening with Kevin Smith, the latest of his live Q & A shows where he dishes on his life and his Hollywood experiences. Fun stuff as always. Though his unwavering defense of the Star Wars prequels is baffling, these shows are always a lot of fun. I laughed more in the first five minutes of that than I did the entire Zack and Miri film.

I've Seen The Future...

The downside of my being home all day with the baby is that I've been watching way too much TV. The upside for being a stay-at-home spouse in 2009 versus the 70s or 80s is that daytime TV has more options than those horrendous soap operas. So I've ended up watching a lot of House, M.D.

I only bring this up because an episode the other day made me think about something. It was one about a young fat girl who was teased by her classmates and didn't have any friends (Don't worry, the genius Dr. House cured her by the end). It got me to thinking about when my daughter gets to be a pre-teen and a teenager. See, I was a brooding, geeky, New Wave boy who got bullied on a daily basis from basically 6th grade until high school graduation. And my wife was one of the really smart people in high school (something like 2nd highest GPA in her class) so our daughter being one of the cool popular kids in school is probably not in the cards. Which I am so OK with. The cool kids suck and are usually the ones that get arrested or pregnant on prom night.

But with non-coolness also comes the potential of being bullied. And I won't be able to handle that very well, my kid going through that.

When I was being bullied in school, every adult in my life let me down. From the principals to the teachers to my parents to the bullies parents, not a single one would step up to make it stop. There is some sort of sick attitude that bullying is some sort of natural order of things in adolescence. "Kids will be kids" or some other dumbshit way of looking at it without considering the emotional toll it takes on the victims. I imagine there is a good chance that this way of looking at it is still fairly pervasive.

If my daughter is bullied in school there is no way I will let it slide. I'll go through all the proper channels, of course - principal, teachers, cops, etc. - and if no one will do anything about it I'll have to take it to the bully's parents. Now one thing I know about bullies' parents is that they almost never have any interest in ending their kids' bullying. They are either the type that openly encourage it (see Emilio Estevez's character's father in The Breakfast Club) or are at least OK with since there little brat is giving it out instead of receiving.

So basically, this means that I'll probably have to take matters into my own hands if some little prissy bitch decides to give my daughter a hard time in school.

So it is not outside the realm of possibility that I could end up as a guy in his early- to mid-fifties going to jail for beating the snot out of some 16-year-old blond bimbo cheerleader and her mother and/or father.

And I guess I'm OK with that. Really, who's going to fuck with the convict's daughter after that?