Blame Him

So I'm sure everyone has heard about the kid in Pennsylvania who shot his girlfriend's parents and then ran off with her to Indiana. A big tragedy, right? Of course. 18 year old boy runs off with 14 year old girl after killing her parents and the cops still aren't exactly sure if the girl had something to do with the murder. So what the hell happened? How could these seemingly normal kids get caught up in something like this? Now, the parents of the world will be looking for someone to blame, because kids don't just do stuff like this. After Columbine they blamed Marilyn Manson. Two kids kill themselves with shotguns and there was a Judas Priest album on the record player, so it was their fault. Hidden messages in the music you know.

So who should be blamed for this? A tragic situation like this has to be the fault of someone besides the kids themselves. You have to look for the signs. Too many posters about one thing on the wall, always bringing the subject up in conversations, and letting it run your whole life are just some of the things to look for. Using these simple methods I have come up with the culprit. I know who's fault it is.

It's fucking Jesus' fault.

It is so absolutely true. Police have discovered these kids' websites/blogs on myspace and some other personal pages hosting site. Boy let me tell you, these kids need help. They are just obsessed with this Jesus guy. On her personal profile on her page the girl, Kara Beth Borden, list her personal interest as "JESUS!!", "church", "my youth group", and "hugging". And she signs off on most of her posts with "God Bless". Hugging?!? Fucking sick. She's only fourteen years old. See what he's teaching our children? And a girl that spells his name with all caps and not one, but two exclamation points has got some serious idolization issues that can be really unhealthy. Ask any of those groupies from the sixties and seventies. And really, aren't Jesus, church and youth group just listing the same thing three times? This girl was just screaming for help.

And the boy who did the shooting? He is said to be a big fan of a Christian rock band called Pillar. My grandparents were wrong, it's not the devil bands that are destroying youth, it's the Jesus bands. I'll bet he was listening to some of that evil shit right before he pulled out his gun. The members of Pillar will have to be pulled in for questioning as possible accomplices. And while they're at it they should see if there are any hidden backwards messages on their albums.

And rumor has it that both of these home-schooled kids were in possession of material said to be written by, or containing the messages of, Jesus. Something called a "bible". This demon work doesn't even try to hide a lot of its message, just lays it out for the world to see. Sex, slavery, bigamy, prostitution, and stoning. This thing is just full of filth. Hell, it's even where the word sodomy comes from. This is in the hands of maybe millions of our children. And if you read it backwards and it tells you to kill Jews and homosexuals.

We've got to get this guy off the streets and his book out of the libraries and bookstores. There's no way of knowing how far this could go. One of the members of his cult is already on TV every week granting "wishes" to unsuspecting families. It all seemed harmless when this Charles Manson looking, long-haired, smelly hippy just had a dozen or so followers and all they did was roam the desert smoking peyote looking for the next drum circle. But now he's got our kids under his spell. How many more have to die before we wake up America?

Oh yeah, this is all Jesus' fault. We need to take that fucker down.