The President's Schedule

I'm watching CNN the other day (yes, I know, I'm a masochist) and one of the oh-so-very important news items is to tell us the menu for President Dumbfuck's Easter dinner. No matter how much I watch the idiocy on the television media I'm still sometimes surprised by how damn stupid it can get. Why the hell do they think that we care what the president had for dinner on any day? Well, I suppose if their are people who care about Brad and Angelina's personal life, there are also brain-dead idiots who care what Shrub stuffed in his face for the celebration of his lord's crucifixion. I'm sorry if it makes me an elitist snob to think that it's better to be able to name the nine members of the Supreme Court (I can really do that, honest) than the contents of someone's - anyone, not just the president - stomach. Seriously, have you ever called up a friend to ask them what they had for dinner? And I mean out of the blue just because you want to know, not like those occasions where they are telling you about a great restaurant they went to and you ask them what they ordered. That's different. I mean just randomly asking what they had for dinner, or them just randomly telling you for no reason. No one does that. But for some reason the media thinks we should know what the prez had for din-din. (If you must know, go here. What the hell is "two kinds of ham" anyway?)

This really is just another example of the media being lackeys for the government and corporations' efforts to distract the public from what's really going on in the world. And it doubles as the image propaganda to make Bushie look like a likeable, down-home normal Joe. Every news organization that reported it should be ashamed of themselves. Obvious smoke screens should be ignored and are a waste of newsprint and air-time. And when the evil-doers see that this works it only encourages them to take it farther. Do we really want that? As the public wants to know more and more about our presidents' personal lives and our Commanders In Chief continue to do worse and worse evil things, we will get more and more personal life details of the president. This will lead to finding out things like what the idiot reads while taking a dump (my guess is People or Reader's Digest, especially the Life In These United States "humor" column). The bigger the horrible thing the President is doing, the more detailed info we'll get about his personal life. Imagine how bad this kind of thing will get when he's about to nuke Iran later this year. I can see the press release now:

...and after the Thanksgiving feast the President and First Lady retired to the residence. After watching a little Cinemax the President began to nuzzle on the First Lady's neck which led to full mouth kissing, with tongue. This lasted for several minutes while he began to rub her left breast with his right hand, over her blouse, kneading it like pizza dough. He then was able to get his hands inside her shirt and on her naked flesh after Mrs. Bush removed her bra for him, as the President has always had a hard time with bras and this led to an incident during their college years that the First Lady would rather not see repeated. After a few minutes of breast rubbing, which included some light nipple pinching, she turned her attention toward his manhood. Rubbing at first over his trousers and then reaching inside to stroke on bare skin until the President achieved a full erection, the First Lady then performed approximately 4 minutes of fellatio. Cunnilingus was not performed. The President then got on top of the First Lady and attempted to wriggle out of the rest of his clothing, at which point he fell off the couch. After regaining his composure, he once again climbed on top of Mrs. Bush and commenced missionary position coitus for roughly three minutes until the phone rang. The First Lady pleaded with the President not to answer it, but he remarked that it could be his mother so he thought he should answer it. It was his mother. It is not uncommon for the Mother Bush to telephone when the Bushes are being romantic, kind of a weird coincidence. After getting off the phone with his mother, the President found that he was somewhat flaccid and required several more minutes of fellatio from the First Lady. Once again, cunnilingus was not performed. At this point Mrs. Bush assumed the top position and the First Couple had approximately 2 more minutes of intercourse before the President achieved orgasm. The First Lady did not achieve orgasm. The President was seemingly unaware of this.

At that point the First Lady retired to bed to read the newest Grishom novel and the President watched the episode of American Idol his daughter Jenna had TiVoed for him and he fell asleep on the couch during an episode of Gilligan's Island on Nick at Night. Mrs. Bush must have had a bad dream, as she was heard sobbing in the middle of the night.

This is what we have to look forward to in the future of media distractions perpetuated by the government. The sad part is, we are getting what we deserve. As long as we continue to eat up shit like Us Weekly, People, and every little bit of nonsense about Brad, Angelina, Tom, Katie and whoever JLo is fucking, then that's the kind of shit we will continue to be fed.

Now go learn your Supreme Court justices.