'Cause I'm An Adult Now

OK, I know it has been way too long since my last post, but I got a life ya know.

Anyway, over the last month my wife and I have gone to a couple of adoption seminars at different adoption agencies. Just so we are clear, yes we are talking about a kid and not a puppy.

Going to these things has been something of a surreal experience. When I've been at these things I feel like I'm in the wrong place. Like I went to the Learning Annex for the vinyl record collectors exhibit but accidentally walked in to the needlepoint circle. Or church. I just don't feel like I'm in the right place. And I feel like everyone else there is thinking the same thing. "This guy wants to be a father?!?! Dude, the Hemp Fest planning committee is meeting down the hall."

I wish they would separate these things in to different groups so that I could feel like I'm in the same place as the other potential parents there. "Excuse me, I'm looking for the group that's not the collection of fifty-something men starting new families with their thirty-something wives/secretaries due to being estranged from their adult children because, well, he bolted their mother to fuck his secretary."

I mean come on, there is no reason I should find myself in a room with those guys unless it is a baseball game or an AA meeting.

It also makes me feel like I was accidentally sat at the adult table. At some point one of the adults will realize their mistake and send me away.

Don't get me wrong, I want to do this, I really do. But what business do I have being a father? There are people out there who tell me they think I'll be a good dad and I always wonder what it is that makes people think this, my foul fucking mouth or my history of drug use?

Or that when people ask me what I do for a living I don't actually know how to answer? Now suddenly, since we want to do a foreign adoption, I'm supposed to be able to both write a biography of my life since childhood and describe my parenting philosophy. Describe my parenting philosophy? Somehow I don't think writing, "Think of how my mother did everything and do the opposite" will be an acceptable essay.

And how will I possibly answer the question of what I think will make me a good father? Ummmm, I own a lot of Robyn Hitchcock albums and like Hal Hartley movies?

See what I mean?

Before our last seminar I actually won tickets to see Jill Sobule at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park that was taking place the same exact evening. My wife offered to go to the show instead, but that we wouldn't be able to go to another one at that agency until December if we skipped it. So dammit, I actually made an adult decision and went to the meeting.

Of course I did this only after asking my wife how long it was supposed to last and figured that we could still make the show and only miss the opener. So I was looking at the time every few minutes and wanted to kill every single person who asked questions because they were making it last longer. Didn't they realize I had a concert to go to?

All in all it was an informative session, despite its mind-boggling nature. We learned a lot about the process and are now more prepared to make some educated decisions about starting a family.

But by the end of the night, sitting at the theater in Central Park, I was reminded of something.

Jill Sobule kicks ass.