Getting to the blog late tonight, but I'm sure I can quickly think of something that's annoying me right now. I think it is going to be a child-rearing related week. So let's get to the hate.
Here's one that's been happening a lot lately.
Mr. Mom. No, I don't mind the 80s movie with Michael Keaton. I seem to remember liking it OK, though I haven't seen it in over twenty years so it might be as bad as I discovered Pretty In Pink is on a more recent viewing. No, it is the reference to Mr. Mom that keeps coming up recently. As I've been talking about our upcoming move, mentioning that I probably won't be going back to work and will instead be home with the kid full time, so many people have said something like, "Cool, playing Mr. Mom for a while, huh?"
Ugh. People seriously, what century is this? Yes, I know that it is still way too often the mother that stays home with the kids, even in this day and age. But let's at least stop assuming that taking care of the kids is automatically the woman's job and that when the man does it he is the male mother and not just the dad staying home with the kid. No milk is coming out of these boobs no matter how hard I try, so I'm definitely not a mom.
I can't believe people don't see it as sexist as it seems to me. What you are really doing is calling my wife "Mrs. Dad" because she's got a successful career. And we all agree that that is an ass-hole thing to call a woman, right?
And the other phrase I hear really often these days....
"They grow up so fast." Uhmmm....no. I'm pretty sure kids age at the same rate as the rest of us, barring them having progeria. So my daughter is not growing up so fast, she is growing just right.
He’s Baaaack!
4 days ago
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7 comments:
I've heard that phrase too. I've also heard people say, "Oh, so you're not doing anything?" in reference to full-time child rearing.
That's hilarious to anyone who has spent a few days with even one child. I don't even have kids, and I know it's a lot more than "NOT DOING ANYTHING."
Good luck with the move and being a great stay at home dad (if that term is acceptable?)
--Keith
as you know, i took care of G full time for a while. i used to get this a lot: "so...you're giving mom the day off, huh?"
but, on the other hand i will tell you this; except for you, ALL of my friends who have children (and i'm quickly counting about 10 or 12 just off the bat) have "traditional" homes; that is to say: the dad goes to work, the mom stays home w/the child.
so the stereotype will hold for quite some time. i'm not at all surprised.
never mind, i can pretty much blow away some of the moms i know and have seen raise their children (hello television, shitty packaged/boxed food, "do as I say because I told you so" philosophy).
the best thing about taking care of your child properly and respectfully is that you have all kinds of room and a license to talk shit to your critics.
Kieth - Yea, I think "stay at home dad" is exactly the right term to use. (I've tried "primary care-giver" but that sounds really pretentious)
Swine - Ah yes, I've gotten the "day out with dad, huh?" comment a few times when I've been our with her at the park. Granted, I'll be the only dad at the park most times, but where I live there are no moms either, just nannies. Lots of kids being raised by cheap immigrant labor here on the Upper East Side.
You'll understand "they grow up so fast" in about 15 years.
nah, i'm with you on that "grow up so fast" tip. it's like people who say: "life's short..." really? it's the fucking longest thing we do!! who writes this shit? and why do we repeat it?
You haven't convinced me that the term, "Mr. Mom" is sexist, but perhaps it is. I would never refer to your wife as "Mrs. Dad" simply because she has a successful career - being a woman with a sucessful career is not unusual, being a stay-at-home dad, however, still is. You have convinced me that it bothers you greatly and so I will take that into account the next time I feel compelled to use it in reference to you. I believe the term acknowledges the fact that women have predominately been the primary caregivers for decades, and that is all. Again, though, I don't want to diminish your role and perhaps that is actually what the term does - makes you seem less capable of being the stay-at-home caregiver. I think you are doing a fabulous job. Sam is delightful and I will really, really miss watching her grow up.
Don't get me wrong Megan, I'm not really claiming to be the main victim of the sexism here - I'm the last white male in the world who would declare himself the victim of bias - I think it is sexist toward women, the same as if you called a woman Mr. Dad. That's my point, it is sexist, to women, to assume that child-rearing is their job.
Yes, I know it is much more common for women to be raising children, but we need to , as a society, get over these assumptions if that's ever going to not be the case.
I don't think it is insulting to me to call me Mr. Mom, I think it is insulting to mothers.
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