Lou Dobbs Must Die

Please! Someone put Lou Dobbs out of our misery. I am so sick of this bastard. I try to avoid watching him at all, but he shows up in other places sometime that I end up hearing his vile nonsense. The other day I was flipping the channels and he was being interviewed by Anderson Cooper (the media is so ridiculous these days that they think its legitimate to conduct "interviews" with hosts of other shows on the same network) and he made the comment that seeing flags from other countries involved in protest in the US make him "nauseous." Gee, exaggerate much Lou? What the hell about that would make someone nauseous? Why would anyone give two shits what kind of flag or banner someone was carrying at a rally or protest? This is only partially true anyway, as he has stated in the past that he doesn't like seeing foreign flags flown in this country at all, not just at protests (he must have hated the Salt Lake Olympics). And to claim that it actually makes you physically ill? Give me a fucking break. This is another one of those situations that Bill Maher refers to as people feigning outrage. Like the whole Dixie Chicks thing a couple of years ago. I don't buy that it really bothers him, he just likes the sound of his voice and the power that goes along with him stirring shit up for no reason. Lou then went on to state, for about the gazillionth time, that he doesn't like celebrating our differences (code for hating multi-culturalism) and wants us to only celebrate our "commonalities" as Americans.

He has said this over and over and I have never heard anyone actually follow-up with a question about what that really means. He's always crystal clear about what it doesn't mean, waving flags of other countries or celebrating any ethnic holidays such as Cinco de Mayo. He even said that we shouldn't celebrate St. Patrick's Day, because that's an Irish thing and people wave Irish flags during that time. Of course, he doesn't really have a problem with St. Paddy's Day, he just said that when he got backed into a corner when he was bitching to some Latino guest about the waving of Mexican flags and she commented that no one complains when we wave Irish flags during St. Patrick's parades. The only way he could save face and not look like the racist prick that he is was to say he didn't like people celebrating that either. That had to be the biggest line of bullshit I've ever heard, at least from someone outside the Bush administration. A problem with St. Patrick's Day?????? Is he serious? Could he possibly expect people to believe that he thinks St. Patrick's Day is bad for America, and that it's one of the things that "separates us" as a nation? Bad for livers maybe, but fuck Lou, you are a ridiculous man. Just admit you are a racist Nazi ass-hole and move on. But no, he must continue the mirage that he's a "populist" who cares about the American worker. He even defended himself once against the charge of hating Mexicans by saying that he loves Mexican food. Good one Lou, I'm sure they all bought it.

But back to our commonalities. What the hell does that mean on a practical level? So we know it means not waving the flags of any other country or celebrating any holiday that has anything to do with any heritage except America itself. OK, so nothing but the old stars and stripes and any event. But what about places like Puerto Rico and American Samoa? Are their flags OK? They are, after all, US territories. If those flags are not allowed, are you also against state flags? Will you be bitching the next time someone brings a Nevada state flag to a political rally? After all, that goes against the "commonality" Nevadans have with the rest of the country. How do you solve that problem? You can't ban the flags of Guam or the Virgin Islands (both US territories and therefore the people there are American citizens) if you allow any state flags. And while we are talking about the territories, what about the English-only rule that you are a big fan of? Should those places be subject to that rule, since they are part of America? Are you in favor of making the schools in those places teach classes only in English?

And holidays. So Lou, no Cinco de Mayo and no St. Patrick's Day. What holidays are OK to celebrate? I would assume that Christmas and Easter are out since those are Christian holidays and that would exclude Americans that are Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim or Atheist. Be careful how you answer this one, you fellow scumbag Bill O'Reilly will come after you for waging a "war on Christmas." So do we lose those days, along with Passover, Kwanzaa, Ramadan and L. Ron Hubbard Day? Or do we do a majority rule commonality and keep the Christian one's but lose the others? I'm sure the Jews wouldn't mind at all.

So what holidays would that leave us that celebrate our commonalities as Americans? I suppose Columbus Day. But isn't that too Italian to celebrated Lou? Personally, I would say that a holiday that celebrates someone who slaughtered and enslaved as many innocents as he did is not a great idea, but hey, if the Italian reason works for you it works for me. Veterans' Day, Memorial Day and any of the other ones that honor veterans (how many of these do we need anyway)? Those have to go, a small minority of Americans are veterans so they would be deemed too exclusionary. Labor Day? We can't make people like Donald Trump, Paris Hilton, and George W. Bush (people who have never labored a day in their life) feel left out so that one is out. I guess that leaves us with Independence Day. Although, very few families in this country can trace their roots all the way back to the founding of the Republic, so that would leave out the newer arrivals, so I guess the 4th would have to be cut as well.

I suppose all that we have left is Flag Day. And nothing says a rip-roaring good time like Flag Day. But that sure isn't very many days off from work every year. So how about a compromise Lou? What if we gave you Bloviating Jingoistic Fat-Ass White Male Bigot Day?

Could we have Cinco de Mayo back then?