OK, so Billy Bragg, one of my all-time favorite singer-songwriters, will be doing a quick East Coast tour in October. It looks like he will be playing New York a few days after my wife is due to give birth to our daughter.
The poll question for the week is this:
If I try to go to that show, by what percentage is it likely that I will come home to an apartment with the locks changed and all my stuff sitting in the hallway?
a) 0% - You are an ass for even thinking it, but for some unknown reason she loves you and puts up with all your silly faults.
b) 50% - She'll think about it hard.
c) 80% - You better bring her a pint of Chubby Hubby ice cream to have any chance of being let back in.
d) 100% - Her mother will be in town, who the heck do you think will be making the argument for giving you a second chance?
e) 0% - Why would she bother changing the locks when you are just going to end up as a floater in the East River?
Give me your votes.
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He’s Baaaack!
3 days ago
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11 comments:
Dude, I have no fucking idea how the hell your poll is meant to be set up here. Does "0%" mean that I think it's a 0% good idea for you to try and go? No entiendo.
Since I can't figure the poll out, I'll just come out and say that, if you attempt to go to this concert, you wife will rip off your genitals and place them in a jar atop the refrigerator. Don't even think about it.
I altered the question to be more clear for the low I.Q. set...
The higher the percentage, the higher the likelihood that I will be locked out when I come home. Get it now?
Wow. You're kind of a dick, aren't you?
Dude, I write a weekly piece listing the things I hate. What do you think?
who has the low I.Q. here? It'd be the dumbass who a) thinks the baby will arrive on some schedule and b) thinks the wife would be kosher with the hubby just up and going out anywhere around the time she is going to have their baby. My advice is to wait a year.
Dude, and I'm a bachelor. Where'd you get your marriage license? From the back of a Grape Nuts box? Wait, who exactly married you and what was she thinking?
Love all around,
tbo
Actually, my super cool wife said she would be OK with me going, IF her mother wasn't going to be here when the baby is due. She's only concerned with how that would look to her mom, who already isn't too fond of me.
So yea, it is a super cool chick who married me, if you must ask. One who completely understands/puts up with my music geekiness.
And generally speaking, babies tend to arrive pretty much within a couple of weeks or less of their due date, that's why they call them due dates. I am certainly prepared for anything and I'm assuming it is unlikely she will be born on the exact day she's due. But it is very likely that she will come sometime in the first three weeks of October.
Dude, why are you even bothering asking this question? You seem set on going regardless of anyones opinion.
No, I'm not going to be going, that's why I wrote the post, for a joke about it to keep me from crying.
The first thing I'm going to miss out on because of having a kid. So I resent the little imp already. :)
But....Robyn Hitchcock is playing here in late November (doing the entire I often Dream of Trains album) and she'll be at least a month old by then. That should be old enough to just leave her at home with the TV on, right?
Yeah, that should be cool but don't forget to leave a Swanson dinner in the freezer.
Ha!
I always wondered what kind of responses one would get by posting questions in blogs. Now I know!
Seriously, I had a similar situation last year when my daughter was born.
The shows in question were certain to be sold out, and 2 weeks before her due date.
1 two-week-early emergency c-section later and I had to eat tickets to 3 shows. Spent 4 days in the hospital with my wife and kid-- because they tell you you are supposed to stay-- and later I was to learn I was the ONLY Dad to actually do that, of the 7 c-sections performed that night.
It took me almost a 7 months to get out of the house for a show after that and I'm as much a live music geek as you can find.
So since I am not going to actually answer a multiple choice question here, I'll tell you this:
Buy a ticket for the "certain-to-be-sold-out" shows and expect to eat them or give them away. Squeeze in every show you can get before your daughter is born. AFTER she arrives you may find you do not get out as much...
Keep on hatin'!
j.
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