Family Values

My favorite news item today is seeing the article in the Chicago Tribune that the biggest ass-hole queer hating jerk in the world has a lesbian daughter. I was absolutely jumping for joy.
This is, after all, the man who called homosexuals "selfish hedonists". Alan Keyes has even kicked his own daughter out of his house. This is someone who professes to follow the teachings of Jesus. A man from the "values" wing of the Republican party. In his public statement about the issue he sounds like he's talking about a recently fired staffer, not his own daughter.

"My daughter is an adult, and she is responsible for her own actions," the statement read. "What she chooses to do has nothing to do with my work or political activities."

Wow. That sure wasn't the story before she came out of the closet. His daughter, as well as the rest of his family, has always been plastered on Keyes campaign and PR material. She was even the one who talked dear old dad into jumping into Michael Moore's roving mosh pit during the 2000 campaign because she said it would make him look cool. But now she has "nothing to do" with his life or work anymore.

I suppose you should expect that from a black man who, as an Assistant Secretary of State, defended South Africa's apartheid regime. Or someone who called Hillary Clinton a "carpetbagger" for running for the Senate in a state she had never lived, and then proceeded to move to Illinois a few years later to do the exact same thing.

My favorite thing I ever witnessed Keyes say was during an appearance at some Catholic university. He was challenged by a student on his views on the death penalty being inconsistent with Catholic teaching and not matching up with his views on abortion. The Uber-Catholic Keyes went on to make the argument that Jesus supported the death penalty because Jesus had accepted his own death sentence being handed down. So according to Alan Keyes, the lesson of the death and resurrection of his savior is that the gas chamber is divine right?

And now his daughter is a selfish hedonist. Forgive me the sin of laughing at others agony, but....... HaHaHaHaHa. Well I guess since I don't belong to his stupid religion I don't have a sin to be forgiven for. But man oh man do I hope that man is in serious agony. I hope it cuts through his heart like a knife to think about his daughter being a lesbian. I hope he cries himself to sleep every night. I hope he hurts worse than my gay friends hurt when they hear the kind of hateful moronic things that Keyes and others of his kind say about homosexuals. It has been making me smile all day just imagining it.

Only one thing would make this more perfect.

Maya Marcel-Keyes starts dating Sinead O'Connor.